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You have your good
surprises and then on the other hand you see a bunch of stuff and
wonder why the heck they bothered going to the trouble to show up,
much less the hours of code that went into something that was this
completely bad. That's what this list is for.
Worst Surprises of E3 2003:
Rick's #10: No classic Mega Man for his 15th anniversary
Now, don't get me wrong, I really like the other versions of Mega
Man. But let's face it - Capcom is celebrating the fifteenth
anniversary of the Blue Bomber, and the classic Mega Man should
appear in some form for that. While there are two games featuring
Mega Man.exe, one starring Mega Man X, and one starring Zero, the
original was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he's just retired, but still,
I'll play a dirge (which sounds remarkably like the Cutman stage
theme) for the classic.
Clayton's #10: Tron 2.0, Multiplayer Lightcycles
Everyone I talked to was incredibly stoked about this game before E3
rolled around. Then it did, and you never heard about it again. The
controls are sluggish, and the worst part of all this is that the
game ends up being so slow in multiplayer that you end up running
into a wall before you you'll have the chance to have a "wall duel".
Rick's #9: The Cat in the Hat Character Model
The game itself is interesting, because the graphics in the game are
incredibly Seussian (including some new ones approved by his
estate). But the character model for the habadashered feline is from
the upcoming movie starring Mike Myers. Sadly, it just looks like a
fat guy in a ill-fitting cat suit. Given how the Austin Powers games
turned out, as well as the Wayne's World games, I think video gaming
has its own Curse of Mike Myers.
Clayton's #9: Deus Ex: Invisible War, XBox
First person shooters belong on the PC. Deus Ex: Invisible War
proves it to me, once again. The game wasn't on display for the PC
version, only the XBox, and the game had you moving with the left
analog, aiming with the right, and pulling the right trigger to
shoot. It's really unwieldy and the fact that the other versions
weren't on display really lower my expectations for this game.
Rick's #8: Metroid Prime 2's complete absence
Maybe this is just the internet hype machine's comeuppance, really.
But in the past, Nintendo showed some pretty sweet videos, at least,
for what was then the upcoming Gamecube Metroid game. But Nintendo
was completely numb about anything regarding the upcoming sequel to
Metroid Prime (if you saw the ending, or the sales figures, you know
a sequel is forthcoming). As you'll see from my remarks below,
Nintendo could have stolen the show with some word on MP2. Another
year, then.
Clayton's #8: He-Man
This game does not have the POW-AH!!!!!! I played Spawn beforehand.
Then I got to see this game which is just Spawn without clothing and
without his guns. Plus he looks a lot worse graphically, and has
worse animation. Brilliant. I'd just shut my machines off if I
realized that other people had made games that were so much better
than mine.
Rick's commentary: Honestly, what did you expect? Let's face it,
He-Man was probably one of the worst ideas ever. I say this as
someone who was nigh-religious about collecting He-Man figures. The
only surprise I had about this was that THQ somehow was not
involved. And 80's nostalgia is in - no matter how dumb it might be.
Mark my words - someone is going to make a Rainbow Brite game in the
next couple of years.
Rick's #7: 3rd Person Cel shaded action games
I'm going to be slightly more specific than Clay, and cite the glut
of action games that are cel shaded. I have finally come to admit
that cel shading can be appropriate for some games. However, it is
used way too often and the end result is a comic book feel whether
or not such a feel is warranted in the game. When I complained about
the overabundance of poorly rendered polygonal 3D games, I wanted
programmers to improve on the polygonal graphics, not poorly render
a different style of graphics.
Clayton's #7: 3rd Person Action Games
I'm positive that game companies share information now. Because
after not having a 3rd person perspective action game for a while,
now everyone's making one. Here's the list of 3rd person games I
saw...and just the ones I remember:
Batman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Justice League, Crouching
Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Rise of Honor, Charlie's Angels, He-Man,
Spawn, Castlevania: Lament of Innocence, Desert Storm II, Futurama.
While I'm happy that people are taking different routes and not
making first person shooter games like they were before, I'm also
not happy that there is no variety at E3 again.
Rick's #6: Acclaim
Think about this for just a moment. Acclaim is the baseline for
comparing bad games. Anytime a company really starts sucking wind,
you say something like, "Man, Lucasarts is becoming the next Akklaim."
And yet, Acclaim *still* managed to make my "bad surprises" list. I
had to put them here together lest my entire "Worst of" list be
identical with their upcoming year's lineup. How they've managed to
avoid exile to Kentia is beyond me.
Clayton's #6: Decline of the Booth Babes.
Please forgive the non-PC remark for the sake of alliteration. In
any case, at E3 there are usually scads of costumed or scantily clad
women who are attracting varying amounts of attention. Well, some of
the women who were there are people who shouldn't be scantily clad.
I'm not saying I'm disappointed in the fact that there weren't good
looking booth babes, it's that when they are there, they clog up the
aisles. If I'm going to have to wade through masses of people
because they're ogling at women, they should at least be good
looking.
The one exception to this was the Street Racing Syndicate booth who
seemed to have hired a bunch of people from the Import Racing scene
to be in their game, and then pose with the cars they had there. So,
kudos to them.
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"Street Racing Syndicate provides a
different sort of eye candy." |
"I think this is my fiancée's doing, somehow. She knew this would
be my last temptation before marriage, so she deliberately made sure
that the booth babes would be of a lower caliber this year. Next
year, when I'll have the ring on my finger, they'll pick back up, I
guarantee." - Rick
Rick's #5: He-Man
A terrible license, bad 80's nostalgia, clunky gameplay... and it
wasn't done by THQ? I said it above, that was my only surprise. But
it was quite the surprise. Actually, in retrospect, there is one
other surprise - someone was willing to take credit for this junk.
Clayton's #5: Rise of Honor
You spend all this time motion capturing Jet Li, and you make
probably the worst control scheme I've seen in a game. None of the 4
buttons do anything, you have to do all your attacks with the right
analog stick. While this might be cool in the future, what they had
on display at show was a completely clunky version of Final Fight.
Rick's #4: Futurama
As I mentioned above, some people are just cursed when it comes to
video games. Mike Myers seems to be one of those people. Matt
Groening is another. Futurama is a more violent show, and should
theoretically make a better game. But the only redeeming value of
this game, just like with the Simpsons games, is the good quips and
voice acting. Matt, a word of advice. Next time you get a proposal
to make a game out of your work, say no.
Clayton's #4: RPGs
Where were the RPGs this year? People bought Playstations for Final
Fantasy VII and it ended up beating out the Dreamcast and the
Nintendo 64. So how come nobody's learned from this? Are they all
waiting for the next gen consoles? If you weren't named Square Enix,
you pretty much didn't have an RPG at your booth. Tis a sad, sad E3
when that's the case.
Rick's #3: Phantasy Star Online v.3 - C.A.R.D. Revolution
Sega had some real cojones this year, making an online ripoff of Yu-Gi-Oh
directly across from Bandai. If they also added some gameplay to it,
they should have shown it off. But as it looks, you just play a game
just like Yu-Gi-Oh. Just as Sega was in the perfect position to
prove they could outshine Square's Final Fantasy series online, they
totally forget to make it worth playing.
Clayton's #3: C-List Celebrities
These guys always show up, but they were at E3 in force this year.
The Laker Girls, the people who didn't make the cut from American
Idol, as well as the judges, including former Laker girl Paula
Abdul. Cobi Jones was there, and so was E3 perennial Gary Coleman.
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"C-List?! What'chu Talkin' 'Bout Netjak?" |
Can all this "mainstream" attention be a good thing for the game
industry? No. Honestly, have you seen a movie lately? It's only a
matter of time for big-time Hollywood style lowest common
denominator number crunching enters into the game world and game
companies start aiming at producing middle ground success so often
that the slightly above average game garners instant classic status.
Rick's #2: Half-Life 2, Doom 3, and Halo 2 were not playable.
These were three of the most anticipated games of the year. They are
all likely jockeying on the "Best of" lists for lots of sites who
are so weak as to do the fanboy suck-up towards games they've never
touched. And they all were absent. They are useful for one purpose,
though - any site that lists any of these three as one of the best
parts of E3 is an utter joke and to be ignored. Netjak, of course,
is above that.
Or, to sum up what both Clay and I said here, don't make another "Daikatana
scenario," people.
Clayton's #2: Biggest Games At The Show Are Not Playable.
Everyone was hearing about Doom III, Half-Life 2 and Halo 2 before
the show. Guess what. Not playable. Same goes for SSX3. Sims 2 was
"demo-able" Meaning they probably aren't going to be out for another
year or so. Do us all a big favor and don't hype up your product if
it is more than a year before its release. Otherwise, you just blow
expectations so out of proportion there no way your game can
possibly meet them...no matter how many good looking both babes you
employ.
Rick's #1: Rockstar Games producing Desert Storm II: Back to
Baghdad
You know, it's never too soon to start profiteering from a major war
that our nation started for no apparent believable reason. Rockstar
is probably making this to get all the political types to believe
they are all behind America and conveniently ignore the fact that
they also made the GTA series. Truth is, though, this naked play for
money and some semblance of support of our country is the most
shameful thing they've done. As Thomas Paine supposedly once said,
"Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel." Rockstar proves
they're run by them.
Clayton's #1: Rockstar Games
Rockstar's the only company that managed to simultaneously make both
my good and bad surprise lists. In an effort to boost sales...er, I
mean profiteering...er, I mean patriotism they became the first
company to actually go through and capitalize on the recent skirmish
in the Persian Gulf.
After seeing Sony change their minds on making their game which
using the trademark of Shock and Awe, maybe Rockstar figured that
the moralists hated them enough already. Well, throw another log on
the fire, because Rockstar has asked for it. Hopefully more people
call them out for this display of shamelessness.
Rick's Dishonorable Mention: Role-playing games
Square is exempted from this because, as usual, their booth was
nearly entirely RPGs. But beyond Square, there was precious few RPGs.
There was an early alpha of a GBA RPG starring Mario and Luigi, a
new Arc the Lad game for PS2, the final two .hack games, and Advance
Wars 2. Beyond that, you couldn't find a console RPG for the life of
you. And only Advance Wars 2 and the latter two chapters of .hack
were seriously along in their development. Consoles haven't been
this poor in RPGs since the middle years of the 8-bit era.
Clayton's Dishonorable Mention: The Announcer from the EA Booth.
EA Sports were showing off their sports titles by having real
athletes take on people who were at the show. So Carmelo Anthony's
playing some guy guy in March Madness 2004.
Nobody plays any defense, so the two player trade dunks for the
first four shots, each one followed by the announcer shouting, "TO
THE HOLE!!" So, since they just kept dunking on each other he ran
out of stuff to say. I started shouting "TO THE HOLE!!" for
him...just to illustrate the fact that announcers for video games
still, and will always suck.
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