In an age where videogame quality is constantly on the rise with bigger, deeper, more exciting games starting to roll out that are very much the developer's grand epic vision for what a videogame should be... it amazes me that companies can still get away with throwing the same old crap through the assembly line, give it slick packaging, and ship it out. What's worse is that these games will get big displays and $50 price tags, and that people buy them, tricked into thinking it will be good, or maybe just not knowing any better. Dead to Rights 2 is one of those games, and every time I think about it, I get so angry that somewhere in the world, a Egyptian kitten falls over dead and I can hear its cry of agony piercing my brain. And that's just thinking about it; imagine the massacre that occurred while I was actually playing it.
The best part about Dead to Rights 2 is the packaging. Namco should keep these guys, but fire everyone else associated with this game. The grungy art style, while completely unrepresentative of the game itself, is very cool and I suppose the reason you could be fooled into thinking this game is worth $50. The back of the case is also extremely misleading. 28 brutal disarms? Perhaps, but I've only been able to get Mr. Slate to do about 5 different ones. Target multiple enemies in midair? Yes, although this leads you to believe you can target multiple enemies at once, which isn't the case. Vicious melee fighting? Sure, if you thought Jackie Chan Adventures was vicious. A massive arsenal of weapons? I know people on our forums with more weapons. And last but certainly not least, we have "Command Shadow in real-time." Shadow's the dog, and yes, you can indeed push the "Shadow" shoulder button in real time. I don't really get why this is toted as such a big deal on the case, because it's certainly not that big of a deal in the game.
For all the talking up the packaging and game itself does about your sidekick Shadow, it amounts to nothing more than a gimmick in the game. Push shoulder button, dog attacks targeted enemy, dog brings back ammo. Oh wait, you can push it again and CANCEL his attack...in real time! The whole advertising spiel Namco went on with this game made it out to seem like you could actually take control of the dog, or give him more commands than "go" or "stop" and that it would be some kind of great draw that sets the game apart from the rest. Jack Slate might as well have been able to kill distant enemies with mind bullets; it would've been cooler than a cop dog and have about as much effect on the gameplay.
The worst part about Dead to Rights 2 is that there's a little hint that the developers actually had a pretty good idea for a game, but totally FUBAR-ed it, so it ends up falling on its face. You've got the slow motion dive thing going on, which has only been done, what, a million times now? The game manages to pull the effect off now and then by giving you quite a setup (dive through the 2nd story window blowing away enemies or maybe tossing a 'canister' at them and shoot it causing a massive explosion under you), but these moments are so few and far between they're not even worth it, not to mention the fact that the rest of the gameplay is so boring, shallow, and uninspired you might not even get that far.
And then, as if to add insult to injury there's melee levels, where you don't get a gun and have to settle for using your fists or whatever random melee weapon you come across. Here's a note you should take down: If the biggest gimmicks of your game are slow motion dives and shooting, don't make levels without either of these things. Just a suggestion. The usual crappy 3D camera doesn't make things any better either, although I do appreciate it looking in the direction of the enemy you're targeting automatically. However, killing a bunch of bad guys that all look and sound exactly the same went out with the dodo, Widescreen. Not to mention enemies that spawn from a small corner of the room that your character may or may not attempt to explore later. Maybe you forgot, but these days you need to put actual effort into your game if you expect it to do well. Get with the times.
So is Jack Slate is the new Duke Nukem or something? At the beginning of every level he will say some stupid corny line that's so lame you'll spend the entire time the level takes loading contemplating if he really said what he just did. And since the loading times are so freaking ungodly long you'll have plenty of time to do so. You'll spend a lot of time at the good old loading screen. You'll die a lot, but not because you aren't good at the game. It'll be because the game is so unpolished and badly designed that anytime you attempt to (heaven forbid) have fun with the few features the game does give you, it'll likely result in you getting killed. Then you get to sit at the loading screen again, and ponder the "animation" this screen has, which will sometimes animate but usually freeze and make you wonder if the game itself actually froze or if the loading screen is just as shoddily thrown together as the rest of the game.
Oh, and dear God, the music. If you can even call it that. The first level gives it all away, when you realize it's the same 5 second loop throughout the whole thing. As you get into later levels, the loops become a little longer, but never topping 20 seconds. You know that mundane, boring, unexcited look that Napoleon Dynamite wears throughout that whole movie? I had that exact same expression the whole time I was playing this. Sound effects don't fare much better, and are equally boring. The voice acting might pass as 'decent' here and there, but the fact that people clearly and often swear just because it's M-rated is no excuse, and the game's scripting and "story" doesn't even begin to be interesting. Oh wait, was I supposed to care that the distinguished judge got shot? Oh, because it makes a single mention at the beginning of the game that he was a friend of yours? Don't just tell me the freaking story, guys. SHOW me the story.
Blurry, ugly graphics round out this unenthralling package. Muddy textures, low poly-count models, and boring environments that are poorly designed… color me unimpressed. Usually, games this bad at least have some decent graphics to look at to pull people in. This isn't the case with Dead to Rights 2. This, like every other single aspect of the game, sucks. We've seen what the PS2 is capable of, and it's much more than this game even attempts to achieve. Playing this after, say, Snake Eater or God of War feels like a slap in the face, and makes me wonder why we're rushing into the next generation of systems when so many developers are still too lazy to even attempt to push the current ones very hard. And I don't want to hear that some companies don't get as good of development tools as other, more well-funded ones. The God of War team used a very cool program called Maya. Hell, I have Maya.
Don't buy this game. Really, please don't. I am seriously begging you to not buy this game. Playing it doesn't even make you feel dirty, it literally makes you unclean to the point that dirt has bonded to your skin and you can't scrub it off no matter how hard you try or how many bars of Zest you go through. Actually, now that I think about it, the best part about Dead to Rights 2 isn't the packaging; it's the fact that I can trade it in for something leagues better. Don't waste your $50 on this one. Don't even waste $10 on this one when you see it in the bargain bin (and believe me, you will). This game is far too boring and crappy to even consider buying, period. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take the longest shower of my life.
